I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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