I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
