evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
