A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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