So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
