my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
