There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
