32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
