i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
