my vag is so smooth its legendary
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
