oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
