I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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