Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
