Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize