I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
