I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
