I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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