She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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