Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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