Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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