That's when you crack a 10am beer
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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