Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
