You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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