I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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