I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
