Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can I color on your dick again?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
