I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
