i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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