six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
