Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
