Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
