No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize