I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm getting married
To pizza
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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