She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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