just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
