hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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