When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
