why didn't you poke me back
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
