Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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