Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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