i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
