Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
