I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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