i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
