with your own penis?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
