I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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