my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
