im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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