i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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