I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
