yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
