she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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