the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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