um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
