it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
