remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
