Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I could fuck to npr.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
