I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
