So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
