When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Houston, we have a squirter
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
