"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
