apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No subtext here. People are naked.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
