i don't like sucking hair
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
