you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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